Friday, 5 February

First day of the first lunar month, Guiwei year

Today is the first day of the Chinese New Year. I am already 48 years old. My father died at the age of forty-eight, so I particularly thought of him this morning. I have been working for the Nationalist Party and China for 25 years. During this time, many people have praised the extent of my accomplishments, but as a matter of fact I am very dissatisfied with what I have done. In the academic aspect, I read a lot but am unable to focus. In the moral aspect, I am still not free from my mind’s desire. To my mother I am unable to be filial. To my family I am unable to make Kitty and Qiongfang better, and this has led to them being increasingly ignorant and ill informed. In the past, people have said that when a person is 50 years old, he will feel remorseful over his faults at 49. By now I know deeply what I have done wrong at 47. Hopefully though the path of our country is still ragged, there are signs of improvement, and the international status of our country is on the rise. Though there are still many mistakes in the diplomacy, overall speaking significant progress has been made. I have been working in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs for one and a half years, hopefully people generally have high opinions of me, and The Generalissimo treats me well too. It is heartening that many friends know me well. Wang Chonghui invited me, Kitty and Zhaoxian to lunch. Mrs.Wang asked me to give her back the small radio on behalf of Tcheng Soumay (鄭毓秀)[1], and would give it to Xu Yongchang (徐永昌)[2] instead. It is hard to accept kindness from a pretty woman, and it is equally hard to accept the gift given out by an ugly woman.

At 3.30 I went to the Soviet Embassy to bid farewell to Ambassador Alexander Panyushkin, and we had a long talk on the topic that the Soviet Union and China should maintain an amicable relationship. His attitude was quite positive. I have been working in the Foreign Office for more than a year, and was on friendly terms with him. He said he treated me as a good friend. I thought so.

At 5.00, Huimei rushed from Chongqing University to bid me farewell. I treat her as if she is my daughter. This time she and her sister escaped from Hong Kong to Chongqing because of my letter. I rather regretted that I could’t stay here to take care of them, but they understood my situation. I kissed her, and encouraged her to be independent and work hard on her studies, and not to make bad friends to tarnish her family’s reputation. She cried, perhaps because she respected me more than her father. Zhang Xiaozhi (張孝直) invited me and Kitty for a farewell dinner at the Daisanyuan restaurant. I went with niece Huimei. Back home at 10.00.

[1] Tcheng Soumay (1891-1959) was a female legal expert.

[2] Xu Yongchang (1887-1959) was a Nationalist General.