Saturday, 1 January
Today was New Year‘s Day, the 33rd year of the Republic. In looking back over what happened during last year, the saddest thing has been the death of my beloved mother. When she was alive I could not carry out my duties as a son to make her happy and look after her. When she died I could not be next to her to see to her funeral. This has made me extremely sad, and is painful. Alas, this is destiny and there is nothing I can do. And as to my contribution to the country, I feel a little more satisfied. When I first came to the Soviet Union in early 1943, I could foresee that world politics would involve drastic change. Sino-Soviet relations would be the most important and also most difficult to cope with. This was the reason why the Generalissimo dispatched me here and why I could not refuse. After I arrived here, because of the relationships between the Soviet Union and Japan, the Soviet Union didn’t dare show too much friendship towards us. My situation was difficult just as I expected. In the first six months, the sadness and frustrations were very difficult to express. The only pastime was to learn Russian. In the autumn, after the Embassy was moved back to Moscow, I felt that the misunderstanding amongst the Soviet Union, Britain and the United States deepened, and my worry intensified. It was not until after the Moscow Conference that the situation changed completely. I also managed to contribute to this and signed the Four Powers Declaration. Officially and privately I was very happy. After the Cairo and Tehran Conferences world future had unlimited hope, and the status of our country became more stable. The Soviet attitude towards us was clearer. Looking to the future I felt relieved and I found that my work concerning the Soviet Union was even more important than my previous duties. Further cooperation in Sino-Soviet relations could be materialised this year. If this is successful, then this can be counted as one of the biggest achievements of my life. If mother knows this in heaven, she will bless me more, and forgive all my current and previous mistakes. With regard to learning, because I stayed in the Embassy all the time last year and was not terribly busy compared with my time in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, I had more time to study. My Russian progressed a little bit more than when I was in Kuybyshev. Unfortunately, after arriving in Moscow I couldn’t get a teacher, and because of the Moscow Conference, it was stopped temporarily. It was a pity that I worked hard on my study for that time and then put it aside for a long while. As for the other aspects such as studying Soviet politics, world politics, Chinese and English and so on, I was able to make some progresses. Because of my position in Moscow there was no such thing as entertainment, and I stayed at the Embassy all day. Whatever I did I had to be the paradigm for the staff. Life here was even more meek and lonely than in an ancient monastery. Apart from studying, there was nothing else. This was really what we called hard living and then we learnt a lot. This year I will have to learn harder. Also I have set out a study schedule and daily timetable, and I think in these ways my progress will be speedier.
2. Today’s weather was particularly good. The sun was shining beautifully and as I looked from the window the ice stopped on the trees and was just fantastic. Such beautiful spring scenery is rare in Moscow. This was a good omen for an auspicious year. When I woke up in the morning, I thought my foot ailment was better. At 11.00 in the morning, my colleagues came to wish me a Happy New Year.
3. Hitler’s New Year broadcast was quite feeble in tone. It only said that the British balance of power was a fallacy, which aroused war and Red disaster. And he said he would take revenge for the British bombardment of German cities. He warned that “no mild war ends for the Germans. There is no mercy in this war. Germany will also fight mercilessly.” The tone was full of pessimism. One can see Germany’s internal suffering and its hope for a peace settlement. When a bird is about to die, its voice is sorrowful. Therefore, we can assume Germany will soon lose the battle.
4. The Soviet army recovered Zhitomir yesterday.